How I came to be an East-Coaster

My parents divorced when I was 5 and my mom remained a single mother for most of my formative years. Life with my father was tumultuous at best and dangerous at worst. Life with my mother was safe, simple, and steady. 

Right before my 12th birthday, my mom went to New Orleans for a work conference. One afternoon, we were talking long distance (this was the 90s, after all) and she told me she was thinking of coming back early so we could celebrate my birthday even sooner. She called back later that day to say she wasn’t able to leave early, but she’d still be home before my birthday. I later came to find out that because she wasn’t able to change her flight, she ended up meeting my now stepfather the evening of our phone call. I guess she wasn’t meant to leave early after all. 

Fast-forward a few months, and my mom began driving to Ohio and flying out to New Jersey to meet up with her ‘boyfriend.’ Those weekends, we were mostly with our father, but there was always the chance he wouldn’t show up, and we’d end up staying with other family instead. I remember my mom being very happy throughout this time period, which makes me smile now, looking back.

One particular summer afternoon/ evening, our father was supposed to be picking us up for the weekend when there was a knock at the door. I was busy in the bathroom, putting on my mom’s eyeliner, but stopped mid-line to go answer the door. The man who was standing there was certainly not my father, but a rather tall man who was wearing a white T-shirt with a black gorilla on the front of it, deep in thought, seemingly pondering the lettering across the bottom: “To Be or Not to Be.” I don’t really remember much else about him, as I think our father came shortly thereafter to pick us up. I wish I remembered whether or not they met that night- my father and my future step-father, Jim.

A few more months of ‘courting’ continued, and soon the 3 of us- my mom, sister, and me- were flying out to New Jersey to see Jim and his daughter, Corey. Jim pulled out all the stops- taking us to New York City and showing us all the bucket-list items you can fit in one day. The climax of our day in the City was going to the top of the Empire State Building. I had seen the building on TV and in movies, but seeing it in real life was surreal. The elevator whisked the 5 of us up to the observatory deck, and the next thing I knew, the city stretched out before me as far as I could see. It was breathtaking. My sister, Kimberly, was a much harder sell. I was wide-eyed, taking everything in with pure amazement; she was reluctantly stalking behind us all, arms folded across her chest, scowl on her face. 

While I was trying to take in everything, I turned around to see Jim get down on one knee and take out a ring box. Corey was jumping up and down and crying, and Kimberly looked like someone had just sucker-punched her and then shot her dog. I, first seeing Corey, got very excited too. My mom was getting married! My exuberance soon dissipated when I looked at my sister and saw that this was, in fact, a bad thing, and we should be angry about it. 

A few short months later, my mom and Jim tied the knot, and we all moved to New Jersey. The move was so difficult, I’m not sure how my mom and Jim’s marriage survived it. Kimberly and I made our parents’ lives tough to say the least- refusing to settle down and accept our new reality. It took 2 years of fighting to finally concede that we would not be going ‘home’ to Michigan, but in fact New Jersey was now home.

The next couple of years went by quickly, my sister and I graduated high school and we both went on to attend college in New Jersey- never returning ‘home’ to the mitten state. Looking back, I can see what a life-saving thing it was that we moved out here. We were finally out of the abusive reach of our father- something we hadn’t ever been. My mother was able to not only find love and stability herself, but she was able to show us what that looked like, too. 

Now, I can’t imagine living anywhere else and it’s all because my mom met a guy in New Orleans.